Golden Chains

Author Martha Beck tells an old Chinese story about a monk who was traveling to meet an enlightened guru.  The trip was one that involved difficult travel, including a point where the monk had to cross a very wide river.  To get across the river, he built a large bamboo raft which helped him perfectly cross to the other shore. 

The next part of the journey involved climbing a steep mountain.  There was no use for the raft.  But, the monk had grown attached to the raft and didn’t want to let it go.  He had worked hard to build it, it had served him well and it seemed imprudent to leave it behind.  So, he tried to drag it up the mountain, injuring both himself and the raft in the process. 

Finally, after tremendous struggle, the monk realized he needed to let the raft go in order to make it to make it up the mountain and reach his ultimate goal: meeting with the guru.  What was essential at one point of journey was now at minimum a hindrance perhaps was even preventing the monk from arriving at his final destination.

 In Buddhism, Beck notes, such things are called “golden chains,” practices that are indeed sacred and precious but can still be wrong at this point in your journey. 

So what are your “golden chains?”  It could be a core belief that at one time served you well, but no longer does.  It could be a relationship that while once sweet is now toxic.  It could be a practice, habit or ritual that you are doing simply because it is what you have always done despite that you no longer have any desire to do it. 

Consider putting them aside.  Yes, they are very shiny and very valuable, after all they are gold!  But they are also very heavy, very constricting and I imagine you are very tired of carrying them. 

This year I put down the golden chain of feeling the need to be present and responsive at all times to two of the great loves of my life: JAG and my family. 

Prior to this year, I felt awful every time I decided to take a day out of the office, skip a management meeting or not attend a competition.  I believed that the only way to be successful was to work harder and longer than anyone, to be involved in every last decision and to be at as many of the meets/events as humanly possible. 

Likewise, with my family I felt terrible if I didn’t attend every event (and with over 20 nieces and nephews there are events every weekend.).  I felt guilty taking away “family time” on a weekend to go away with a girlfriend, to spend the day at the spa or to take time to go to workout.

The result: I was terribly out of shape, resentful, stressed and, in short, not terribly fun to be around.

To be sure, at one point in my life, these decisions were sensible.  When JAG was a fledgling business, working crazy hours, setting a strong example and being the sole face of the business was what worked.  In turn, when raising four small children whose every need needed to be met, it made sense that I was reluctant to leave for a weekend or get home past 6pm. 

But life has changed.   JAG is seven years old and has a wonderfully excellent management team that, frankly, does as good of a job or better running the day to day operation than did I.  My kids are all teenagers who still need their mom, but are really okay spending a couple days without me and who are busy themselves most evenings until 8pm. 

It was okay for me to put down my golden chains.  In fact, it was better than okay.   It has allowed me to have time to write, to develop deeper friendships, to get into better shape and to inject some much need fun into my life. 

The result: I am a happier, more fulfilled person.

Was it easy?  No.  Was it scary?  You bet.  Was it worth it?  Unequivocally, yes!